Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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