Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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