So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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