Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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