and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
