I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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