Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
