I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
