i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize