I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
