Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
