Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
