can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
