So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
