Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We left the knife in your bed.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
