I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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