I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
