Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
