I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
