i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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