Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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