apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
