every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
