I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
