Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
