I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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