One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize