He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
