I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
