she looked like the before picture.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
