I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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