i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You smell like stripper and shame
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
