Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
