You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
