i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
