ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
