U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
