Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
