I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
