i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
