So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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