this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize