I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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