He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
