It's Friday. Sex?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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