If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you inspire me to be a worse person
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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