yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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