i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
