Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
