youre lurking in front of me
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Still dying that you shit outside
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
