We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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