Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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