i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
