Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
