hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize