I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
