I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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