FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
