Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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