Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
How naked do you want me to be?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
