drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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