did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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