I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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