Im at strip club and am horny
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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