Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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